A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize