then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
