that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
