Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
