I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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