pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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