let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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