yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
