I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
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