i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Is it penis luge time yet?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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