I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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