I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
