I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
