i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Randomize
