I'm drive I can fine osifer
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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