i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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