She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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