does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
