when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
