Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
