thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Everything about him screamed your future.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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