My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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