Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
