question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
