so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Randomize
