Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
