Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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