So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
