There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
