Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
