I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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