She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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