I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
