I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I need to calm my uterus...
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
