True but thats because hes a fetus.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
