I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
