This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
