I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
