He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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