I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
