Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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