sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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