We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Randomize
