True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
