You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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