I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
We left the knife in your bed.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
