i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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