there's paper in my vomit.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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