I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
