Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
